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The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

News/Business. A humorous slant on top news stories. (CC)

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00:30:00

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PG-13;L

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San Francisco, CA, USA

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Port 50000

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mpeg2video

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mp2

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720

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480

TOPIC FREQUENCY

Michigan 8, U.n. 7, Jon 5, Chaz Bono 4, Israel 3, United Nations 3, Texas 3, America 3, Halifax 3, China 3, Us 3, John 2, Unorth 2, Jon Stewart 2, Daniels 2, Fda 2, John Olver 2, Canada 2, Palestine 2, Challifax 2,
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  Comedy Central    The Daily Show With Jon Stewart    News/Business. A humorous  
   slant on top news stories. (CC)  

    September 26, 2011
    9:00 - 9:30am PDT  

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>> september 22nd, 2011, from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. we have a great show for you tonight. (cheers and applause) >> jon: our guest tonight,
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former michigan governor-generallive granholm will, here, she will show us where she lives. michigan joke. we begin tonight obviously with the world affairs. big buzz at the u.n. today as diplomats look forward to getting home early from work. picking their children up from school, thanks to the annual ahmadinejad speech ritual known as the running of the bull [bleep] no, honey, i don't know what time i'm going to be coming home, oh, he's denying the holocaust, i'll be coming home right now. i will see you in a little bit. (laughter) >> jon: and then the wife has the little-- (laughter) >> jon: the performance of sponge nut crazy pant as side-- (laughter) >> the u.n. had more pressing issues to discuss. as you may or may not know there has been a slight ongoing property line dispute in the area what everybody calls palestine calls israel and what everybody but israel calls
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palestine. so for i guess around the past 6,000 years, these two parties have attempted to settle the zoning disagreement the old-fashioned way, persistent bloodshed. (laughter) >> jon: since this method has proven somewhat inconclusive the parties from time to time seek an alternative, pardon the pun, unorth-- unorth dox-- unorthodox method to achieve their goals. >> the palestinians have flown a symbolic chair to the united facials ahead of next week's general assembly. that's when palestinian authority president abbas plans to make a bid for u.n. membership. >> jon: thaet, apparently the united nations is bring your own mother [bleep] chair. (laughter) >> jon: the u.n. provides the translators, you provide the chair, and head phone rentals are $3. (laughter) small price to play to steal and kill with diplomatic
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immunity. oh, really. (laughter) oh really. (applause) believe me, you get one of them diplomatic licence plates [bleep] red lights. (laughter) the chairs have always been an impressive part of the u.n.. the turks have their otto-man empire. sweden brought their national chair, the glurke. (laughter) and unassembled pile of wood and of course -- (applause) >> australian relies on pouchie, the world's most patient kangaroo. pouchie. joining the u.n. isn't as simple as just bringing a chair. >> when i received an-- from a state for an admission into the united nations, i review all these technical issues, whether this is in
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proper form. >> jon: really there is an application process for joining the u.n. who did north korea use as a reference on their application? (laughter) >> jon: and syria, a country who has begun firing at its own people, they must have had good test scores otherwise they wouldn't have let them in. although i guess once you get tenure. you know, the real issue isn't really the chair or the application, as with any good co-op, it's getting past that one hard ass on the co-op board who always chews people down, without doesn't like dogs but he has two great dains because he was grandfathered in. (laughter) made me so mad. so are the palestinians in? >> peace will not come through statements and resolutions at the united nations. ultimately the israelis and palestinians, not us, who must reach agreement on issues that divide them. >> jon: so thank you for your interest our building. (laughter) and please come back once su have a letter of recommendation from your mortal enemy.
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(laughter) >> also we're going to need pay stubs. (laughter) so there you go, palestine, all you need to do is settle your differences with israel. (laughter) i have an idea, maybe this will make it more palatable, have you thought about a spelling change? nice. good. good. wait-- (cheers and applause) >> jon: i still don't know if it's enough. yeah! welcome to the world community! (cheers and applause) for more on this intractable problem we go to senior middle east correspondent john olver. >> jon,i've got amazing breaking news. a new religious scroll has been discovered. the may hold the key to a
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lasting peace in the middle east. >> jon: does this scroll provide evidence to one group's claims -- >> it absolutely does, john. it's all right here in black and papyrus. this scroll actually reveals that the real jewish promised land is not the land of judd aya and samaria but right here in halifax, canada. yeah, yeah. >> jon: the biblical jewished promised land. >> uh-huh. >> jon: is halifax. >> no, no, actually, john it's pronounced challifax. try it. >> jon: within. >> no, no, it's challifax. >> jon: challifax. >> you roll it, yeah, that's closer. >> , cus me, john. >> jon: aasif man vey. >> yes, this is outrageous. this area has always been and always will be sacred to
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muslim. this area contains some of the most sacred sites in all of islam. (cheers and applause) >> jon: you're talking about halifax. >> first of all it's pronounced halallifax. >> no, it isn't, no t is isn't, it's challifax, he's wrong, it's challifax, i can prove t it's all right here in hebrew. in fact, let me read it to you for a second, this land clearly belongs to the jews. i want to make that absolutely clear. i spoke to muhammed last night and he's cool with it. >> no, no, no! >> it's really not a provocation as it seems. >> that is enchanting english this is ridiculous. okay, accord together karan halallifax contains the very late where muhammed first went ice fishing, he caught a bass this big! >> no, no, hey, manvi-- manvi,
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i'll believe that when i see a picture of it. >> you know i can't show you one! >> that's bloody convenient. that's so convenient, isn't it. now jon, jon, are you being intentionally provocative. >> no, not at all. >> hey! who -- >> who what? >> jon: aasif, i think that rock came from your area. >> oh, so now i'm responsible for everything that comes from my box. >> you're a liar! you're lying, you are lying, manvi. >> jon: what is wrong with you two. you can't even get along in nova scotia. this is the most polite part of canada. (applause) >> jon, jon, jon. okay, okay. jon, look, i am perfectly willing to discuss this reasonably, as soon as he stops with all those attacks. >> hey, hey, hey! >> what. >> son of a pitch, did your box just get bigger. you just took up my box. >> it is not your box. (laughter) >> it is not your box. >> historically that has
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always been part of my box. >> this, this is an illegal occupation. >> it's mine, it's mine. >> stop it! >> i'm coming over there. >> get out of my-- . >> jon: john olver and olive garden's never ending
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pasta bowl is almost over. for just $8.95 try new sauces like roasted mushroom parmesan and hearty pizzaiola meat. choose all the sauce and pasta combinations you want just $8.95, with unlimited salad and breadsticks. so hurry in to olive garden. welcome back. you know when a news story falls through the crack,
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lewis black catches it, a segment we call back in black. >> when i was a kid we didn't have seat belts or bicycle helmets. our only protection from a nuclear bomb was a school desk. sure, my parents only allowed smoking in one room of our house, but it was my room! my point is, back then nobody would make a big deal over something like this. >> the fda and some of the most popular apple juice brands are defending the safety of their product after the doctor raised questions about the level of arsenic. >> unregulated arsenic in the apple juice in america is unacceptable. >> they want to take the arsenic out of apple juice? hell, the ar sen is the only thing that keeps me regular. (laughter)
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>> but something tells me-- tells me not to trust this doctor oz. >> here is you what need to know. there are two forms of arsenic. ones that's harmful, and ones that's not. the kind in apple juice tends to be the one that isn't harmful. >> organic arsenic is nontoxic, common in foods. >> oh. easy mistake to make. so someone should just explain to that dr. oz and that will clear it right up. >> the fda sent a letter to the oz show five days before the show was to air, warning them airing the show would be irresponsible and misleading. >> irresponsible and misleading? it must be sweeps week. some have even accused the doctor of fearmongering. >> i am not fearmongering. i'm a big supporter of apple juice. i talked about it on my show, i continue to give it to my kids. >> i love apples. some of my best friends are apples. didn't you see my pictures from six flags?
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obviously dr. oz is drumming up a false controversy. but there are real threats to our nation's children. >> the uproar over one of the new contestants on dancing with the stars. >> it is fair to say there has never been this much controversy on dancing with the stars, before the season began. >> i think it's fair to say i have never given a [bleep] (applause) (cheers and applause) >> which one of this season's contestants could possibly incite so much hatred and disgust. there's only one candidate. >> i'm nancy grace. >> known as hln's most fearless prosecutor. >> i just want to have fun and show my three-year-old twins that mommy can dance. >> two things. i didn't know nancy grace called her tits the twins. (laughter) (applause)
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>> and i didn't know they were three years old. (laughter) unless i'm thinking of the wrong contestant. >> the buds over chaz bono's choice of dancing's first transgender competitor -- >> overshadowed by outraged outcry on-line from the american family association. >> they will not be able to watch this show with chaz on there. this is going to be very confusing for children. and should not be included in their cast. >> i'm surprised it's a concern. because nobody seemed to have any trouble explaining the dancing alcoholic, the dancing pornographer's con you can bin, the dancing convicted-- the dancing convicted money laundering, the dancing drug abusin abusing-- underaged whore monger, the dancing sleaze peddler. whatever it is this guy does, whatever it is this lady does, and this down bag in
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the bow tie. (cheers and applause) what makes chaz bono more controversial than a bunch of criminals and freaks? maybe if a professional psychiatrist/idiot explained it to me. >> do you really believe that children are going to turn transgender from watching chaz bono? >> yes, it's possible that if someone is celebrated and lifted to heroic proportions like that of a civil rights leader, that somebody who is somewhat uncomfortable with his or her gender, you know what, i'm going down that road. >> i don't know if letting your quides watch chaz bono will turn them into transsexuals, but i'm pretty sure letting them keith-- will turn them into ass [bleep]
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(cheers and applause) >> jonwewe
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(cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight, she was a two term governor of the great state of michigan. her new book which she cowrote with her husband is called a governor's story, the fight for jobs in america's economic future. please welcome to the program jennifer granholm. (applause) how are you. >> i'm great. >> jon: governor's story, fight for jobs and america's economic future. yesterday we had on another midwestern governor faced with a lot of similar things that you faced in michigan on the republican side. how much do governors come together on policy? how much of it-- when you
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are a governor how much is ideaological, how much is pragmatic. >> a ton of it is prak matic but we do compete against one another, for jobs. we're always boasting oh, i got this job from, you know, illinois or indiana or texas, every governor is in the game of competing for jobs. and that's not a very good national strategy. >> jon: so you are not just competing globally. >> no. >> jon: you're actually competing with right-to-work states. >> well, and every governor has an interventionist economic development strategy, you know, rick perry who says, you know, i want to get government out of your business, but every day his economic development team has big economic development fund and they're luring businesses that are strategic to texas. an they're closing deals with some money from this fund that's paid for by oil & gas royalties. every state has got some version of that. but the bottom line s the reason why we wrote this book is that is a really bad national strategy. because you are just moving businesses from one state to
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another, all through tax incentives. you're really-- rather than competing and inviting the globe to invest. >> jon: you're suggesting a darwinnian strategy every man for themselves, may the best man win is not a good national strategy. because i don't know that i buy that. a, i love the round-robin aspect of it. i think the bcs could learn a thing or two. (laughter) his suggestion, obviously, you know, the big idea right now that's floating is we must only cut-- we must do whatever we can to make corporations comfortable and want to be with us, love us. what can we do for you, the book is just heartbreaking, story after heartbreaking story. >> but it has a hopeful ending. >> jon: yes, don't spoil it for people. >> okay, all right. (laughter) >> just saying.
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>> jon: bruce willist is dead the whole time. but it, is, you are fielding calls from businesses constantly saying to youing i'm sorry, we're moving to texas, in the case of comerica moved their headquarters to texas and others. and it's heartbreaking to hear you have no recourse to that. >> well, that's-- everything that is happening to this country happens in michigan first. because we never came out of the 2 001, 2002 recession. and you know, everybody now is scratching their heads, how do you create jobs in this global economy. it's not by the solutions that are being proposed by many who are saying that the thing we ought to do is simply cut taxes and cut government. and just as an example from the laboratory of democracy that is michigan, in my terms as governor, in my first term i cut taxes 99 times. i know my detrackers are going to say, oh, no.
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and-- i'm just saying, wait, wait, wait. >> jon: can i hear the accent that your detractors use again, because i thought that was -- >> cut a lot of taxes, cut government more than any state in nation. we have cut more employees, cut more spending. we were 48th in the country by the time i left office in terms of the size of government. and you would think that with all that tax cutting, and with all that spending reduction, reducing the size of government, that we would be number one in employment, right. if that were the solution. but alas, we were the number one in unemployment for many years in the past decade. why? something else was going on. and it was that the structure of our economy was changing because of global evasion. and those old theories were not applicable to this new 21st century global economy where we are competing against china and india and other places. >> jon: this is what i was trying to say yesterday to the gentleman, was-- you could offer --
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>> governor daniels. >> jon: governor daniels, and you can offer zero percent tax rate to corporations and that still doesn't mean they are going to make their iphones, the parts anyplace but china. so in that environment, what do we do and how do these-- don't you think these corporations begin to look at us as desperate suitors in they are now the only girl at an all-male boarding school. and it's just like well, he gave me a corvette, i don't know. what are we supposed to do. >> and that's what happens state to state right now. and it's true country to country. but no state has the ability to compete against china. there has got to be a partnership. in fact, you know, the only thing that works in michigan and the reason why in 2010 things started to turn around, we're certainly not there yet, believe me. but we stopped the drop. we started to climb out, our unemployment rate dropped six times faster than the
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national average in 2010, why? because the obama administration gave us the opportunity to partner with the private sector to compete for federal grants and we put state tax incentives and universities for the battery for the electric vehicle, for example. we were able to get the lithium ion battery which previously was all in asia. but we wanted to build the electric car. you have to build the guts here. and so we got 18 companies to come to michigan, it was only through that investment that we were able to go. can i just-- . >> jon: is it okay if you-- you can stick around. we'll go to commercial and come back and talk for a little bit and you can explain the public private. (cheers and applause) i said this yesterday, to the guy, you know, they may want to insist that corporations are people, but corporations are certainly not americans. and there's got to be a way to -- >> so governor, on the book shelves
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>> jon: s that owe our show. here it is, your moment of zen. >> it's the end of the world as we know it. >> maybe not the end of the world but the end of the band. >> hopefully it's not the end of the music world. >> it's the end of the world captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central